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by Ashleigh Cotterill
Being bullied while you are pregnant - its no picnic.
I have always had a great career and worked hard for all roles I have been in, but I know I am not perfect otherwise how would you ever improve….
What I have never understood is how workers treat each other on the way to what they perceive to be success.
Not long after I had to sit through a company seminar on bullying and harassment I met the unfortunate situation of being faced with it leading up to my maternity leave.
Shutting up and putting up has never been a rule I guide myself by – so it is important to highlight where these people went wrong.
The situation
I sat down in my new bosses office with another manager who seemed to be there as a witness - and took an onslaught of abuse from a lady who seemed to think she had a right scream at me about how I was not being nice to the person who was taking over my role during maternity leave.
Admittedly my replacement was difficult and had very aggressive techniques and didn't pick things up very well.
As always I put together the hand over notes and planned the hand over by week – normal sane activity you might say.
We had 12 weeks.
My training has been that if a contractor is not qualified to get stuck in and learn then you just replace them with another contractor. That is the risk or gain of employing them. I highlighted this to one of my many managers at the time and received no discussion or acceptance that I knew what I was talking about.
Regardless at 7 months pregnant enduring a woman who has systematically tried to bully and push you out is just completely unacceptable.
Over the period leading up to my maternity leave the following odd comments where made during the course of various conversations;
- I was told that I was old to be a 1st time mum – I was 34.
- I was told that it would be too stressful for me to follow up other bullying issues that had taken place from my previous manager.
- She told me I didn’t know what would happen when I had a baby and I probably wouldn’t want to return to work after 4 months during the period when I was being pushed to take 1 year off from work.
Getting even more personal and stating the following;
- “You know what I think (at this stage of the rant I didn’t’ really care what she thought of me) – I think you think you are perfect”
- “Stop sending emails, stop writing plans, and stop doing presentations and be nice” was her advice.
Last time I checked all of those elements are important parts of any corporate role in particular when related to forward planning.
Regardless of what she was trying to achieve I do take issue with her intent to completely destroy another woman when she herself is a mother and a career woman.
People feel threatened for all sorts of reasons and unless you walk in their shoes you will never be able to manage their anger or the abuse they direct at you. They must face up to this in their own time.
Prior to her arrival I did have a promising career where I was and got on well with everyone I worked with. It’s important to remember that it’s the results you drive and quality of your work that matters not the outcome of someone’s actions who feels threatened and are merely trying to ‘make their mark’.
Outcome
The issue here was my situation was physically affecting me as well as mentally. I suffered sleepless nights, anxiety, and shortly after ‘the rant’ my obstetrician discovered my blood pressure was high and I was then signed off for a week of work to ensure the baby was safe.
The obstetrician also stated that it was something he had witnessed repeatedly during pregnancies where women have good careers.
Even more surprisingly its often women / mothers who are the active bullying party.
Although 1 week helped I then found my anxiety levels where so high coming up to my return to work that I just couldn’t face it.
I was signed off for 1 more week and during that period I decided to go on maternity leave early.
My baby was born healthy but 5 weeks early.
What to do
1.Ensure there is always an HR member present if you suspect you are going to be abused, bullied or harassed.
2. Seek advice from HR and understand the company guidelines relating to your situation – the guidelines are there to protect both you and the company.
3. Don’t listen to the abuse or take it as personal – it is their issue not yours.
4. Offer to rectify the problems they perceive to be.
5. Don’t compromise your work and ensure it is accurate and clear.
6. Document all related emails, conversations and comments related to the situation.
7. Be polite – just because someone else is incapable of controlling themselves does not give you the right to shout back or be rude.
8. Begin researching other options both within your company or outside as the likelihood is your role will be changed to enable a redundancy or your existing role will be demoted while on maternity leave.
9. Be realistic and look after your future.
10. Remember it’s a job it’s not your life and how you choose to move forward is how you can measure your success.
Australia has very little documentation on what happens when you are bullied at work when you are preganant here are some of the resources I found useful;
Fair Trade Ombudsman - Australian Government site
http://www.fairwork.gov.au/employment/discrimination/pages/bullying-and-harassment.aspx
Reachout.com
IHR Australia - Integrated human Resource Solutions
http://ihraustralia.com/news-and-opinion/harassed-while-pregnant-former-policewoman-awarded-250000
In addition I spent some time talking to a counsellor to help me move on from the experience. To find out more about counselling speak to your local GP and ask their advice on who to speak to. Often there are up to 10 sessions available for you to use as part of your medicare cover.