50 Shades of Poo

I grew up on a farm so poo was no surprise to me when I first became a mum and I thought I would be well prepared for anything that was thrown at me. Although I felt I was well qualified no amount of pat winging (this is picking up dried up cow pats and throwing them at your friends like Frisbee’s) was going to prepare me for the shades of poo that I have been faced with – quite literally.

Black, brown, green, red, pink (after beetroot), orange, yellow, soft, hard, runny, sticky, icky, gooey and probably chewy every shape, size, color and consistency you can imagine I have endured in the 1st 9 months of my sons life.

When faced with this its hard to be an eco mummy and reach for the biodegradable wet wipe that isn’t even wet – you need a yard power hose really but failing that Johnston’s is my favorite. DO NOT BE fooled into those special offers in Baby Bunting or Toys R Us – those wipes are on offer because no one buys them because great mums know that they do not have the cleaning power for the amount of poo you are going to have to deal with!

One day, not that long ago I was sat working when everything went quiet and still. All mums know that silence is possibly the worst sound of all as it means your little angel is eating something, pulling something apart or getting stuck somewhere.

I stopped writing and walked around the edge of the sofa to find my beautiful son covered from head to toe in mud. Where did the mud come from in the middle of my apartment? Not a pot plant and not the balcony garden….

As a good mum I try to go nappy free every day for at least half an hour and during this time my son had managed to do a particularly messy poo which he had then rolled around in like a terrier in fox poo. He had a large camel hump of poo on his back and was lying on his tummy looking incredibly happy with himself.

Although I was horrified I could see the funny side, he did look rather pleased with himself and it was a good lesson for me to stop being such a smug mummy with my nappy free half hour!!!

Some days the best you can do is to keep your fingers out of the poo!

1mum - simple advice for smart mums and dads

5 great ways to prepare yourself

- Clothes peg on your nose

- Ask your husband, partner, friend or passer by to do it

- Banana's - makes the poo stick together and not so messy - my sister says they can also cause constipation. We have not had that problem but not more than 1 banana per day.

- Remember its your child and not their fault.

- Get a big dog before you get pregnant or walk someone else's big dog for a few months prior to getting pregnant this will give you lots of practise picking poo up.

by Ashleigh Cotterill